


Lying is just another coping mechanism

by NoxCounterspell



Series: A giant woman borned from a void of the heart [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Compare and Contrast, F/F, Fusion, Introspection, Love Triangles, POV Third Person, Pearlnetbomb2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-04
Updated: 2015-09-04
Packaged: 2018-04-18 22:49:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4723247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoxCounterspell/pseuds/NoxCounterspell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Comparison and contrast are just another way to learn.</p><p>[But really, Sardonyx and Rainbow Quartz should really just hate her. It would be for the best.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lying is just another coping mechanism

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Andwecanmessaround](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andwecanmessaround/gifts).



> This is for the Fusion day on the Pearlnet week 2015 (I'm late, I know!!! T.T). Just another semi angsty fic, placed on Cry for Help, in which Pearl can't stop comparing Garnet and Rose. This is really open to interpretations, I don't really know what happened here n.n
> 
> I'd like to give this to Andwecanmessaround who is really just a wonderful being and a great inspiration, and has one of the greatest Fusion ficlets out there. [Surprise! Shout out to you!]
> 
> Oh! Curious fact: this ficlet brought a discussion between me (a dancer) and a friend (a mussician) about the music in Cry for help.- Ath the end, even though I know this is more electronic, the dancing really imitates a lot of forms of bossa nova, so In my mind I won the argument.
> 
> [for the Harry Potter fans, there is a line that makes a bit of reference to HP and the Deathly Hollows, buahahaha]
> 
> I hope you all enjoy!

The music playing on the back of her head is different. The movements and intentions are way less innocent than before, but nobody is really to blame. There are multiple facts that can be pinpointed and accused: really it has been a very long while, contemporary times are just this sensual and dirty, and learning how to let go a little is an already checked item on the list ( _barely_ , and there's pride in it). No despair, it takes just a moment to forget the other body dancing next her is not as tall as it should be, certainly not as soft (though deciding if that's a good or a bad improvement is still to be foreseen), but all the same there are curves on the all the right places. Complaining is out the question (there is, of course, inquiry on how she even though Amethyst was a suitable candidate for the needed... _task_ ).

 The twirls and the jumps are just part of the routine, a show that has been put off so many times that is really hard to let go; the classical forms she is very used to are flowing on her limbs with rhythm and grace; however the funk and the bass on the other set of hips and hands indicates that readjustment is required (on which end, is _unclear_ ). Another little bump on the road. But, nothing to be upset about. It's been settled, it's just the time, and the place. Naught that a bit of bossa nova won't fix (probably is the best mingle of both styles that can be pulled off in so short notice).

 Any compulsive hitch of breath has _absolutely_ no regards towards the dancing partner.

 No, it hasn't changed. Not a decade ago, not now. The desire to keep that thought is strong, and the plot on what to say on the soon to come _conversation_ is a well-received distraction. Carefully setting in front of the other dancer, shoulders shaking at the same compass broad hips do, thoughts need to be sorted out; as a clean and straight-forward dialog is required for this to _actually work_. There's no doubt why Opal isn't stable: Amethyst is completely incapable of _understanding_ , her thoughts always too loud, too reckless and too raw. There is appreciation on calmer and simple deviations of mind, pure yet controlled. Selecting those which satisfy said characteristics is easy; deep down, there has been a storage full of them, just waiting.

For Garnet to ask this dance to Pearl.

 Hands are spread gracefully on the air, and the taller gem complies on adding them to her set of movements, jeweled palms running ever so softly against pale skin. _Too sensual,_ is the immediate thought, but Pearl shudders all the same. (It seems to be the constant on their interactions lately). Another set of hands had been less invasive and more chivalrous on their touch over her, but _she_ was more of a waltzer and that style has been ( ~~dead)~~ gone for almost ten years. Garnet is more sensually inclined, that the smaller gem knows.

 ( _She surely needs another word to describe her._ )

 Hands on her hips spin her in place, ready to be placed on the small of her back as she supports herself extending her tiny hand over strong shoulders. Closing her eyes (both to avoid looking at the fusion's face and as a natural response to the bubbling emotions boiling on her stomach) she feels herself submerging in the dip this dance demands. Garnet's leg is on her side, the fusion's hand crawling a bit further up her side and almost touching the side of her breast. It's still too shy, though, almost tentative. And very _ironical_. She was expecting a hand running by her thigh, soft fingertips brushing her ribs and spine getting to her buttocks without any need for permission.

 ( _Who was the chivalrous again?_ )

 Pearl is not quite sure if to feel disappointment or flattered, as her brain rummages every corner trying to bring back to surface the sensation of an older dance and an even older dancing partner.

To her surprise, the fusion isn't completed as they dip, and the small trembling on the hand of the team leader is all the warning she got before flying off to the air. The contagious smile on Garnet's face is the last thing she sees before twirling in the air, a set of giggles escaping her mouth. She spreads her arms and legs when she is high enough and tilts a bit forward, to accelerate the fall. Her familiarity and reliance on her  _new_ dancing partner is enough to be sure she is going to catch her and as soon as she is received on those powerful arms she feels herself being absorbed in a well-known embrace as a part of her mingles with Garnet and Sardonyx is out to play.

 Whatever remains of her just floats on the subconscious of the show-girl fusion. This state is still a complete mystery to her. _How is she able to remain Pearl as part of her is taken to form a new being?_ But any doubt is easily dismissed. Because Garnet is here, and as long as she is, fusion is not so frightening. The taller gem knows this by the book, and as soon as Pearl just barely falters and feels scared, whatever remains of Garnet...

 (Who somehow manages to stay like her and not as Ruby and Sapphire this time.)

 ...just takes her by the wrist...

 (Metaphorically speaking, but then again, this is all happening in the limbo of their minds right now, so who says it isn't actually happening?)

 ...and leads her towards a safe chamber, in which she just sits and invites her to do the same.

 Garnet is smiling widely, and is so rare and charming that Pearl's cheeks turn blue in a matter of seconds, her feet unable to move beside her leader. There is an atmosphere of general glee and confidence (very alike Sardonyx's spirit) and everything is hazy. The pale gem doesn't mind, the stupor surrounding her is sugary and hot, and she is dragged into it. Willingly.

 Sardonyx is addictive.

 Her feet shuffle a bit, not quite sure about what to do. In prior times, with a _prior partner_ , by now she would have already run towards _her_ and throw herself into the skirts of her dress. Rose Quartz understood fusion, not as deeply as Garnet but deep enough. She could reach this limbo as well, could turn it into her own design.

 Everything was terse, and velvet and pink.

 It was everything as Rose liked it.

 Rainbow Quartz _wasn't_ addictive.

 Comparison is terribly obnoxious, but inevitable in the end, and Pearl likes to think of herself as a gem devoted to facts. Rose and Garnet had been playing this little game in her mind for longer than she would like to admit. It was a pulse, really, and Pearl is not sure there is a prize for anyone at the end of it.

  _Rose would be waiting for her in the haze, but Garnet takes her to it._

_Rainbow Quartz was a cry for attention. Sardonyx is a cry for help._

 Garnet is there, still smiling, torso tilted forward. Hands on her sides, she is still looking at Pearl. They haven't said a word and still their inner dialog sustained by mere eye contact _is enough_. And Pearl wonders _why_. With Rose, she would praise her in endless verses, as Rose giggled. The light touches of her chubby hands patting her hair were enough to make the smaller gem melt in her embrace, enough reward at the moment, enough to sustain _the link_. She'll cling to Rose until Rainbow Quartz had stopped dancing, and then reluctantly let go. Right now, in this haze, she isn't clinging to nobody. There are no words. Just the two of them. Looking at each other.

  _And that is enough._

 Garnet extends her hand and Pearl finally takes it.

 At first, Garnet was always the second best choice. Second best leader, second best fighter, second best support. The fusion has always been there. And for some reason, she had always cared. The gist of _why_ was to remain unbeknownst. Pearl was smart, though, and she saw all of this. So she stayed away, because communication is always a must and she wanted to get the message clearly to her. _She was already devoted to someone._

 Then Rose Quartz was gone. And Pearl remained.

Garnet was the only patch at Pearl's disposal to fill the Rose-shaped hole that cut through her soul. The second best option to find a safe harbor now that her first true love was gone.

 Slowly, the smaller gem walks towards Garnet, guided by the very attentive hand of the fusion. The touch is not demanding, not authoritative. Is just an invitation. _She is asking_. The glimmer in the shades covering her three eyes is twinkly and magical, responding to the lights making ambiance. Pearl is curious if all this is Sardonyx's or Garnet's or hers. Her feet are barely inches away from the ones of the other. By now, the magician is probably almost done (disconnecting the hub isn't that complicated while being this big and powerful and surgical) and it's just been too little time. For some reason, she feels it's not been enough. She doesn't want to leave. Not yet.

 She never wants to do so. With Rose, she was always reluctant of letting go of her grip over the link. She felt possessive, _needed to be_. Rose always slipped through her fingers, no matter how many promises where in between them. At the end, she was like the wind, free with no real anchor towards anyone. It was always as Rose wished.

 Right now, today, she is being offered a possibility.

 Right now, someone is not imposing, but actually willing to listen to her.

 Right now, she just feels...loved.

 Sardonyx was addictive before because it made her feel _good._ Capable, intelligent, strong in the real way. Was the epitome of everything she could be. The perfect version of herself.But _right now_ , with the remaining side of Garnet holding slightly her hand and smiling and the other part intertwined in such a comfortable way with her, she feels _wanted._

 And goodness knows how long has she ached for it. Sardonyx is giving Pearl what she has seek for almost ten years (or if she is honest to herself, her whole life).

 When Garnet pulls at her hand again, her smile smaller and more like herself, she can feel again the question. And Pearl really, _really_ wants to answer. But she is afraid. Because in the moment she answers Garnet she would let go of a ghost she has been holding on not so secretly. By giving in, and finally letting herself be truthful (to her, to Garnet, to Sardonyx), she is going to have let Rose Quartz (and Rainbow Quartz) go.

 The moment of hesitation surely reflects on her features, as Garnet just lets go of her hand. Regret invades the smaller gem, but Garnet has foreseen this. She knows, somehow she always knows what Pearl thinks and needs (and she is sure it has nothing to do with future vision). Before Pearl can barely open her mouth to apologize, Garnet is placing her index finger over her thin lips, ever so softly. The smile hasn't fade away. She just extends both hands, again a question and not a command, and Pearl wonders how the fusion can be so patient with her.

 Both gems shine under the hazy look and Pearl eyes twinkle in return.

  _Just one dance, Pearl._

A dance. That's everything Garnet is asking.

 Small hands find their way towards bigger and darker ones, and their fingers intertwine in the slowest motion possible.

 They sway in place for a couple of counts, before Garnet twirls the ballerina around and pulls her a bit closer. Not possessive, not harsh, but incredibly lightly and just warm enough to make Pearl feel like crying. They spin around and around in a waltz very much simple but all the same charming.  The dancer is impressed on how dexterous the fusion is on ball-room dance. Pearl jumps and Garnet's catches her by the waist, holding her up, powerful arms fully extended. She slowly lowers Pearl, and the slender gems run her fingers across thick hair and warm skin. Garnet shifted her arms, to hold Pearl with her forearms, eliminating any sort of distance between them.

 It doesn't last long, as Pearl feels the point of her feet touch the ground.

 And then she senses it, and she is sure Garnet does as well. Sardonyx is done and the show-girl is anything like Sugilite and is more than happy to go out in a poof and return just when needed.

 Pearl grabs Garnet by the arms, the taller gem looking at her, mouth slightly agape. The dancer wants to keep _dancing_ as long as they can. With a small nod, Garnet closes the distance between them, spinning the smaller gem tight in place and Pearl wonders what it would be like to be enclosed on those strong arms every hour of the day.

The moment Garnet decides to dip her again, the link is broken, the show-girl fusion poofing into the air. A brief moment, when their bodies were still connected but already splitting up, both gems stand there, mouths (or the out shape of them) touching briefly in the softest of kisses. Pearl is not sure who was the one that closed the distance, who initiated this new form of _dance,_ but there they are, _kissing_ until their figures materialized again and both pull away just a little bit, Pearl with her back arched over Garnet's arm, the fusion still hovering over her. Foreheads barely touching, the electricity of the moment runs through every part their bodies touch.

 Amethyst and Steven are there, staring. That doesn’t avoids them taking a moment to just breathe in their partner and try to comprehend what happened. Sardonyx has always being a strong connection, a bridge, really between the two oldest gems Earth possessed. Until now, Pearl thought of Sardonyx as her alter ego, the way she complimented herself with Garnet, obtaining her strength, her confidence, her _self_.

 However, Sardonyx had been sleeping for quite some time until now.

 And everything _has changed_.

 Rainbow Quartz had seen the curtain fall over her last show. There would be no encore for the dancer, as she was as ~~dead~~ as Rose.

 Sardonyx was now on the spot-light, and Pearl wasn’t sure if being aware of every single difference between both fusions was healthy for anyone on the matter.

 But then Garnet smiles and holds her. Always so honest. Always so open. Pearl is sure the fusion didn’t hold anything back during their conversation. Garnet loves being Sardonyx as much as the slender gem. And all for the right reasons.

 Pearl, on her end, wonders if she is lying to herself while thinking that all of this is (or isn't) better.

 

 

 

                                                                              


End file.
